We Say So Long, Never Goodbye

This is not my girlfriend's foot.

How many of you have had this conversation with your friends:

you: You know what we should do? Drive across the country!

them: Yeah, that shit would be tight.

you: We can hit every big city along the way, take turns driving, see the country.

them: Yeah, that shit would be tight.

you: We can pick up some hitch hiker chick and have hot-

them: Dude, you been watching too much porn. You don't know where that dirty skank has been.

you: Yeah, that shit would be tight.

But of course, you never end up doing it. You forget you have to work. Or go to school. Or you're just too lazy.

Well imagine being the Lakers. A fifteen day, nine game road trip. Or another way to look at it, the cross country vacation with your friends. Of course there's some work to do. Unless you don't consider playing basketball work. Or unless you're Coby Karl.

I mean, everyone's talking about the doom and gloom of this looming trip. But if I was one of them, I'd be totally amped about going. I guess I don't know the realities of being a player on an NBA road trip. The hostile arenas. The bad weather (in this case). But at least they get to travel in luxury charters. And instead of careful, per-day budgeting, they're fucking millionaires. Travelling with other fucking millionaires. With per diem.

And tonight, they're in the lovely city of Detroit. Those lucky bastards.

Anyway, my prediction: 6 - 3, with wins at TOR, WAS, NJ, ATL, MIA, MIN and losses at DET, ORL, and CHA.

The Big on a 10 Day Contract

Mbenga stretch.

I remember the way Smush Parker played when he was on the Lakers and if I only had one word to describe him, it would have been "desperate." Desperate to score. Desperate to be noticed. Desperate for a contract.

And probably the most important lesson that we learned from the Smush Parker era was that "desperate" and the point guard position don't mix.

Last night we got our first dose of DJ Mbenga, the Lakers' frontcourt back up plan. He was released by the Warriors earlier this season and the Lakers signed him to a 10 day contract in the wake of the Andrew Bynum injury.

Ahh, the 10 day contract, desperate times indeed. But after watching Mbenga play like he might only have 9 days left in the NBA, I started realizing that this might just work out. Because while you want your point guard to play with a cool, level head, there's nothing wrong with your big man playing as if his career depended on it.

Mbenga survey floor.

It's basically a matter of how the different positions contribute and the nature of big and small in basketball. But in this case, where Smush's attitude may have caused him to shoot an ill advised three or gamble to make a steal, Mbenga's will push him a little closer to a loose ball and a little faster down court. And if you saw him save the Laker fans' tacos last night, you'd have to agree.

UPDATE: I was checking out Flea's Laker Blog today and he had a post up about DJ (Didier) Mbenga. Apparently, DJ had a horrible experience as a youngster in Congo as he was mistakenly entangled in the Civil War taking place in neighboring Rwanda:

didier mbenga, was mistaken for a criminal in this affair and put in
jail and treated horribly for nine months and was supposed to face
execution he escaped and managed to get out of the country and get to
belgium
where he started playing basketball, around 1999
this led him to the nba, and now he is a laker, with a ten day contract
so i am sitting there watching the game the other night
and thinking...man, this guy was in jail facing execution and now is
on the court in staples center where the most important thing for him
to do is to block some shots and get some rebounds
...
he has faced death and been in the midst of a genocide
a genocide is when a million people of one ethnic group are murdered
for the sake of their ethnicity
and now he is throwing outlet passes to kobe bryant in front of jack
nicholson
god bless him
wow
trip out

Hmm, maybe that 10 day contract is not such a desperate situation after all. For more details check out his wiki page.

Phil Wants More Depth

Webber's name was being thrown around in connection with the Lakers even before Bynum went down which made little sense to me. If it ain't broke why try to fix it? Why try to fix anything with a washed up power forward who can't rebound and defend?

Needless to say, I didn't want Webber when Bynum was healthy, but... now that he's out--aw fuck it, I still don't want his ass. For whatever reason, people tend to forget that the Laker offense is very good with or without Bynum. The last three seasons, the Lakers have been about 7th in the league in offense rating (Basketball-Reference.com). This year's success is based mostly on their improved defense (24th last year to 6th so far this season). Basically, the Lakers have enough offense. Defense is the key and Webber will contribute but not in that department.

But you know what I realized. It's not just Bynum being out. It's also Radmanovich being out that's got us considering adding the Queeniest Sacramento Queen. Because basically, at this point, all Webber can bring is nice shooting touch and good passing and not a whole lot of defense or rebounding.

So, who does it sound like he's filling in for? Bynum or Radman?

Either way, the Lakers are getting desperate for some depth. Call it a hunch. But if you read between the lines, the message is clear. As Phil said in today's paper, "We need some depth."

What?

"We're a championship-caliber team when he's in the lineup."

- Kobe Bryant on Andrew Bynum

Ok. Here it comes.

I had been cautious to not make such a bold statement myself this year. Even though I said as much about last year's team. Even though I know this team is head and shoulders better.

But Kobe's admission last night to John Ireland after the OT squeaker against one of the leagues worst teams, is huge. It tells us that he is one step closer to rescinding that trade demand. That Andrew Bynum is now a Laker4Life. And that after two and a half months of conservative assessment of the team's potential, Kobe is convinced.

And why the hell wouldn't he be?

The future looks bright ladies and gentlemen. As bright as the days when we used to imagine an aging Shaq rebounding, defending, and deferring to a peaking Kobe on their way to more and more Laker titles. Only brighter. Because for all the inherent problems that would have plagued those theoretical ShaKobe Lakers, these Lakers have solutions.

Shaq hating on Kobe? Bynum doesn't seem to mind him.
Kobe hating on Shaq? After all he's been through, he just wants to win.
Too old? The average age of the Lakers is 25.9, 8th in the league.
No third scorer? Lamar Odom.
Not athletic enough? Trevor Ariza.
Not quick enough at the one? Jordan Farmar.
Not enough urgency in the regular season? Ronny Turiaf.
No three point shooters? Radmanovich and Sasha.
No young talent? Javaris Crittenton.
No depth? See all of the above.

Amazing, isn't it?

Agent: Bynum Out for 8 weeks

Via espn.com:

Andrew Bynum, a key factor in the Los Angeles Lakers' 25-11 start to the season, will miss eight weeks with what his agent says is a subluxation of his left kneecap.

David Lee told ESPN The Magazine's Sam Alipour that Bynum will not need surgery. Bynum, who had an MRI on Monday, will begin rehabiliation immediately, Lee said.

And this only 6 hours after I had a conversation about whether or not I would do the Garnett for Odom and Bynum trade if it was offered today. My response had the words "fuck" and "no" in it.

The Boy is Becoming a Man

That should be a real stat. Total Rebounds. Offensive Rebounds. Fuckin Rebounds.

The Boston Hangover

Happy New Year to all.

That Boston loss, much like the party at my place last weekend, seems a lot like a drunken black out. I vaguely remember certain parts of it and the parts that I do remember seem dream-like and surreal. Like, wait did that really happen? And the answer to that question is found in the gory box score and assorted accounts from my friends and girlfriend. Either way, here are some moments of clarity:

+ Those shorts. I mean, every time some NBA team breaks out the throwbacks, the broadcasters will remark about how crazy it would be if they went all the way and wore the booty shorts to boot. Ok, maybe only Stu Lantz does that. But admit it, the morbidly curious cat that lives inside all of us wanted to see it too.

But I guess we should have known that it wouldn't have turned out well. Or are you the only person in the world who never wore the funny t-shirt to the bar? Yeah, it's hilarious for about 5 minutes, but then after that, you just feel stupid. By the end of the night, you're wishing you had just went with your standard issue, American Eagle graphpaper button down. (Oh, the safe, comfortable graphpaper button down, the staple of the non-metrosexual man's closet.)
You could almost sense the moment in the first quarter when the Lakers realized that it was a bad idea. They were self conscious and distracted. And even worse, it seemed to cause the Celtics to focus even more. Because from all accounts, it sounds like on-court KG is as intense as ever with Boston this year. And what better way for him to further this reputation by remaining stone-cold during all the short-short silliness. Against the streaking Lakers. At Staples. And the rest of the guys seem to follow suit.

+ Surveying the paper plate mess the morning after the party:
Me: Whoa, who made frozen taquitos last night?
Girlfriend: You did.
Me: Oh.

+ Lamar tackling Ray Allen was weird. Yeah, the big three of the Celtics were in the game during the 4th in a blow out. But to me, that was more in homage to the Laker's offense and the (suddenly) streaky nature of Kobe's shooting. That or Doc Rivers' ineptitude. Lamar just makes some bad decisions sometimes, plain and simple.

+ An excerpt from a phone conversation with one of my friends the next day:
Me: Man what time did you guys leave last night? Was I already passed out?
Friend: Naw, you were awake. You said bye and everything.
Me: ... right.

+ Man, 6-25 from Kobe? Why does his shot look so flat this year? Is it the groin? I'm not sure what it is. But where is his trademark shooting flow? Like, the last few years, it seemed like he'd get hot at least once a game and end up shooting nightly heat checks. This year, I only remember him doing this a handful of times.

+ During an ill-advised screening of Godfather II, disc 2 at roughly 1 am, right where young Don Vito takes revenge on Don Ciccio:

(Keep in mind, this was a pretty important/climactic part of the movie and a few people who never seen it before, and many more who have, were intently watching.)

Me: See this is where Michael gets his revenge gene from. Right here. This scene. Cause he coulda let it go. But yeah, naw he came all the way back to Sicily just to put a knife in this guys' belly. And that's what Michael does: Not letting shit go. Fucker's straight evil man. Serious... Dude! I read on Wikipedia about the Godfather book. TOTALLY DIFFERENT! Well not really. It's more or less the same. Just more info on the side characters. But yeah, naw like the doctor that fixes Michael's face after the Police Captain broke his jaw. Yeah he's in the book a lot more. Oh and Fredo was gay. Hahaha, fucking Fredo... Yeah, naw but seriously, Vito is goddamn pimp. Man, ho man this movie is the shit! Hahahah. (Sigh) Pinche Don Ciccio.

And I was pretty much doing that the whole way through.

+ Overall, the Boston loss isn't as troubling as I initially thought. They've only lost 3 times this season, for shit's sake. To me, getting swept by them isn't as bad as getting swept by Charlotte and Milwaukee last year. Now that the season series is over, they can just be a Final Boss of sorts looming in the back of our minds. I guess we'll just cross that bridge when we come to it. And here's to finding that bridge in the first place.

+ In full fledged what-the-hell-happened-last-night mode:
Me: Did I go on a Laker rant last night?
Girlfriend: Not really. You did a little. But mostly you talked about how glad you are for the Trevor Ariza trade.
Me: That's cause he's fucking sweet!